9/18/05
i listened to "wish you were here" for the first time in months. and all i could think about was the tenderness with which you made love to me. and how much i missed you. how much i will never be able to replace you.

i think you taught me a lot. about what life is like. and i feel so much more lonely now than i ever did. because you taught me that there are people out there who can love me. and now that i have no one, that i'm overlooked, it cuts deeper than it ever did.

i dont know what to do to ease this lonliness. i know i'm not alone, that i'm not the only one who feels this way. not the only one who sits awake wondering what could have gone differently.

I dont ever regret anything that transpired between the two of us. i dont have time for regrets. but i miss what did transpire. Sex is no longer the same, music again speaks to me on a deeper level, and either makes the day pass by, or the day unbearable.

sometimes i cant seem to remember what you look like. but i usually cant take the pain of looking at the pictures, of reliving the moments. why does my mind play such cruel jokes on me.